The last eight months have been like a rollercoaster for me. I have to say it was the scariest rollercoaster I have ever been on. I love rollercoasters in general and am always willing to ride them at any time. Maybe that’s why I found enough courage to start this journey. The job I had been working on in 2021 was an extremely toxic one. It consumed all my time, mental peace, and health altogether. I would not have believed that stress can make you lose so much hair, had you told me before this job.
I was still kind of a fresher in my field, so I knew it would be hard to find a fresh job if I quit this one. But at that time, I don’t know how I found that kind of belief in myself which further strengthened my will to start afresh at a place where I can find a bit more peace. I have to give credit to my family and friends who always gave me a safety net to fall back on. So as a new year resolution (I never believed in such things before), I told myself that in 2022, I would be in a better place. And just yesterday, I got my offer letter from my dream company, for a position that makes me so excited to start.
But wait, this journey had never been this smooth as it sounds. There were nights when I could not sleep due to anxiety surrounding this uncertain future. Nights where I whispered desperately to have atleast some sort of job. I never knew finding a job can be this difficult. I started on such a happy note and vacationed around to clear all the negative energy. And I have to accept, I was the happiest I had ever been in the last 1 year. And then the rollercoaster started going all downhill. I had started with some plans in mind. And then plan A got postponed. Plan B was executed perfectly but did not give results, atleast at that time. And I was kind of ashamed of myself for being jobless. It hurt even more because everyone around me had such high expectations from me, myself included.
When those negative thoughts did not leave me, I desperately tried to hold on to something. I am glad that I still had some goals and timelines to adhere to, or else I would have been too deep down in that abyss to ever recover. And as this rollercoaster seems to be going uphill now, I am glad I took a ride. For I could not have learned lessons so invaluable without this break. The major takeaway for me is that I have to enjoy this moment as it is. I realized that if I constantly try to run away to a better place, always pushing ahead, I will miss the scenery that comes along. At one point I realized, that I was happy to be on a break, I could study all I want, without any disturbances. I could happily chat the evenings away with my family and could have any food I craved (though I am not in perfect shape after indulging in those tasty homecooked treats). So it’s a bit bittersweet to leave home now to go back to work. Not to mention that I will have to build all those work relationships afresh. But now I know I can deal with anything in the world. See, this is exactly the feeling you get after passing through the biggest drop in that scary rollercoaster. Still, since I think I am now high up here, I tend to close my eyes for a moment, fearing another sharp drop. Then again, I must remember to take some deep breaths and enjoy the scenery while I am still here.
Librocubicularist soul 