Author: Aditi

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Just random thoughts

We all can learn something from each person. Some people leave you with such a good impression that you strive to be like them as a grown up. On the other hand, some people are like the least desirable trait in your personality. Like it would be such a shame and failure as a human if we ever become like them. I wish everyone learnt their lessons wisely, then this world could have been a better place. I hope I never become like the people who consistently spread negativity instead of helping each other steer through the storms of life.

In this process, I came to know two things for sure. First I am really sensitive and emotional. And second I am much more stronger than everyone out there because of the first thing. Because if I can survive and rock everything without being competitive and selfish, just imagine what would happen if I let my emotions go.

I sometimes wish I were wind. I want to fly at such great speeds freely into the vast space and feel every leaf of every tree and give big hugs to all those giant trees. To thank them for standing tall and strong and just giving us things without taking anything. I want to shake away all their worries and make them dance freely.

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Thank you!

Today I got a notification from wordpress that 20 people follow me now. To be honest, I did not start this blog with a plan or to get any views at all! I just wanted to have a site that I could call mine where everything has my perspective and my vibes. It has been one of those childhood dreams I developed while reading some fiction books. But at the same time, I did not want all that pressure of starting new conversations and all the stress involved with dealing with people. So I did not promote my blog at all! Until 8 months only my sister knew about it. And now this list has grown to include two more close friends. But when I achieved my first like and first follower, the feeling was overwhelming. A complete stranger agreed with my point of view and even liked it. It felt good so I started taking my blog a little more seriously. Now that I have 20 of you I would sincerely like to thank you for all those likes and follows. Each one of you means a lot and you all have given me motivation to further continue this blog with more enthusiasm. I will keep trying to improve my content and keep it engaging. Thank you!

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Imperfectly perfect

I guess we try so hard to be perfect, we forget the beauty of imperfections. We try so hard to fit in the standards set by society that we end up ruining our inherent uniqueness. And the following quote captures the hardest question to be answered for most of us. 

"Do you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be".

You can say things change when you lose your childlike innocence. Some may even say, that you should become mature as you grow up. But from what I see around this world, most so called grown ups change for the worse while becoming mature.

They lose their ability to feel so much beauty and pain altogether.Those people are so engrossed in the rules taught by the society that things like happiness, kindness or selflessness take a backseat. This might also be a side effect of the cruel actions of the world too. When you know that you have only yourself who will stand for you, sometimes you forget others might need you too. And this cycle goes on.

When someone does not get supported without any hidden motives there is a high probability that even they will give up on staying selfless.

And what if everyone stayed innocent forever in this world. Then nobody would ever get cheated on or nobody would be mistreated. Yes, we sometimes hurt other people unintentionally but as long as others know that it’s unintentional , those things would not hurt that much.

When living in this cruel world, first thing one learns is to always be careful or not to loosen your guard. And along with that guard come the insecurities and fear. We start judging people and their actions in order to protect oneself. And some nice people start getting closed up to people so as to avoid getting hurt.We may start behaving coldly just to protect ourselves from this selfish world. But then I realised that being like that is awful too. Because right now I may be too afraid to help or may have thousand of reasons. But once I sleep at night all kinds of thoughts filled up my mind that how can I ignore other person in need. And then I realised, what it meant to be getting ahead. It was not being successful for me. It was just to be content with every deed I do. So I started going with my own instincts rather than letting those rules decide for myself. And unbelievably, I felt good. Even when someone took advantage of me, I was relieved. Relieved that I did not let this harsh world change me and i did my best to not leave any regrets behind. Of course I may be at loss most of the time because of this but even then, a sound sleep at night when you are truly happy with yourself is worth more than those losses.

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Kindness is empowering

The most recent novel I read was Wonder by R. J. Palacio. It was recommended by a dear friend when I ran out of books to read. When I checked it online, I found it was a children’s novel. Not even young adult ! So I was a bit skeptical about reading it as I was not sure I would find a children’s novel interesting. But believe me, reading it was the wisest choice I made at that time. It gave me so much happiness and hope which many of us may consider fictional but sometimes you need to escape reality in order to survive the real world.

The book is about a ten year old boy named August Pullman or nicknamed as auggie. He suffers from a medical condition which causes facial dysmorphia. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? But according to the book’s description, auggie’s facial features were so abnormal or different that the world treated him as a monster. It may sound as the novel is trying to teach us the stereotypical lesson that true beauty is inside. But this novel describes auggie’s struggle in so heart rendering way, that you feel a deep connection with auggie. You remember all those times when the world made you feel abnormal just because you were different. Honestly, I was struggling a lot at my university when I read that novel, so seeing auggie try so hard to overcome his problems gave me a lot of strength.

And this novel taught me that a small act of kindness may cost you nothing but it can change someone’s life. Whenever auggie was about to give up, a small ray of hope made him stay afloat. And the only time I cried while reading this book was when everyone recognized auggie’s struggles. When they saw how hard it was for him and how well he did despite all the hardships. What auggie did was not something extraordinary or even commendable if everything was normal. So he may not have been praised and it would have been totally okay with everyone. But since it was a children’s novel, it was meant to give everyone hope. So when everyone recognized his efforts, I cried so hard. It felt like witnessing someone close to my heart succeed despite all the struggles.

And it’s then I recognized the importance of kindness. While living in this adult world, most of us give up on kindness. We do not expect someone to see or recognized our hardships. As a result we may become so busy in our struggles that we also fail to see other people struggling. And this cycle goes on making this world a tougher place to live. What if everyone tries to be like the people in that children’s novel. We try and recognize other people’s efforts and help however we can. Wouldn’t it make the world a better place for more people like auggie.

But most probably, the world’s not going to change like that children’s novel. So instead of expecting other people to be kind, we should try to be kind to ourselves. Let’s take a moment occasionally to validate our efforts, to praise whatever we are doing. Because everyone has their own struggles, they may not be visible like those different features on auggie’s face. But everyone’s got their fair share of problems. So we do not have to judge our success on the same parameters as other people. Whatever auggie did was not extraordinary but he deserved all that praise. So who are we to judge that we do not deserve admiration. Other people’s ordinary may be our extraordinary. So let’s be kind on ourselves and maybe we can then try to show a little kindness to the world too. Because we are all our little wonders in this this world.

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Universe and us.

Recently I read a book that said that universe wants to be noticed, that pain wants to be noticed.


But it failed to mention the reason. There is no doubt that I have asked the same question several times before too but I never found the right words. But when I found these words, I was awestruck by their beauty. It simply ended our quest to find all the answers to whatever happens around us.


Alas, the universe wants to be noticed. From my experience, when we wish to be noticed, we all do things which are beyond imagination. Sometimes we succeed in this wasteful practice and sometimes we do not. But nature is not us. The universe is not us. It is much more above us. It holds enormous amount of power, capabilities and everything which is far beyond our imagination. Maybe that is why, it is noticed. We are unable to turn a blind eye towards it. Even if we devote our entire lifetime to understand, notice and praise the beauty of universe, it will not be enough.

Still many breathtaking views will remain far beyond our reach, our time. This explains how small we are in front of nature. We cannot compete with it. But I think universe does not know it. Even without trying it will be noticed. The earth will be noticed. Because it is so beautiful.


Then here we come again to the same question, why does it want to be noticed. Maybe it is jealous of us. Because it is all alone, it cannot even communicate with us directly. We have companions, we have friends and we have families. The universe is unable to experience the beauty of these relationships. That is why from time to time, it shows its powers, takes away our people, to make us realize that it is here. It is continuously watching over us. It hears our laughter, it sees us crying.

Maybe the universe also wants that adrenaline rush which we feel when our favorite teams win. Maybe universe also wants to feel those butterflies in stomach which we feel in love. Maybe it also wants to feel that unbearable pain in chest which we feel on losing someone irreplaceable (whether fictional or real). That is why it competes because it does not know any other way. Because somehow we have those beautiful abilities.


But not only universe or nature wants to be noticed. Even though we are like a trace in front of universe, humans also have that desire to be noticed. Humans also compete with nature, against nature to prove their worth. This competition has continued since ages and look where we have come. But universe did not play tricks. It gave us so much that our entire lifetime fell short to collect the gifts. The only thing it took was time. Still we had much more things that universe did not have, but we became selfish.

We competed so hard to be noticed that we played dirty tricks. We used much more resources than we deserved. We were the ones that disturbed the balance. We should have let other candidates play too. But we humans took their resources. We continuously scarred the universe and forgot to give it the attention it deserved. But fellows, we forgot one thing. No matter how many advantages we have, they will eventually fall short in front of the universe.

Because we were always just a speck of dust. The universe found new ways. It discovered natural disasters, new diseases and much more. There is no doubt we cannot win this game because its developer itself is universe. It knows all those secret weapons and tricks. As we sit in the lockdown with nothing to do, we can do a task of utmost importance. Notice the universe. Give it the attention it deserves. Give it the care it deserves. Because at the end, it holds the most powerful weapon: time.

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Humanity

Why are we supposed to act humanely when deep inside most of the people are just so selfish. Why did this term humanity exist when in reality most of the human beings fail to fulfil the basic deeds which are considered as humanity. And it hurts when you try to be as human as possible with those animals pretending to be human.

Sometimes I really do wonder whether I should forget about all my manners and behave similarly to those inhuman beings. Why are we supposed to be so good yet every selfish action comes with an explanation. We were taught a poem in school and the line that captivated me the most was -“वही मनुष्य है कि जो मनुष्य के लिए मरे।”.It means only those are human who can die for a human. And I learnt that lesson with my whole heart. But I guess for most of us it was just another poem to cram up for examinations.

Well, that explains state of the world right now. Of course there are good people out there but why is it so hard to find them. And most of the situations do not expect you to literally die to help another human. Just wear your mask properly and you can save lives. But still comfort comes first to most people and they cannot even stand a bit of breathless when thousands are struggling in hospitals to get enough oxygen until their last breath. When so many are not able to see their loved ones for one last time, people cannot postpone their parties because dude they are dying at home. I do not know from where that sense of entitlement or foolishness came in those people.

Why cannot they feel the pain of all those innocent people, all those innocent doctors who are losing their lives even after taking all the precautions? Just because someone’s comfort comes first, others continue to lose their lives. How did that become fair in people’s mind? And in this short period of time, I have seen some of the nicest, selfless people losing their faith in humanity. How did we become so self centered that we cannot see those people dying on the inside everyday. Is it the result of getting so many resources that we forgot that humanity created comfort and not the other way round. Nowadays comfort comes before everything and it is becoming difficult to go on loving this unfair world. Where the people who are most thoughtful have to suffer the most. Where all this conciousness comes with fear and hopelessness.

I hope there is light at the end of this tunnel as well. And I wish we will reach the end of this tunnel a bit sooner. Because I do not want to fill my heart with all this hate when nature has given us so much to admire.

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Let’s escape

I wish for a world to escape

Where there is no fear

and I am not so scared

Where reasons exist and make everything fair

And you never have to worry

About those dirty stares

Where no masks are needed

And genuine smiles are everywhere

Without any obligations to adhere

The world which has starlight

Inside all the living souls

And we glow when there is no sunlight

Where we can illuminate our own roads

Because often when its too bright

we forget our own light.

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Leisurely mornings

When the sun rises but you are in no hurry.

When all the birds are chirping but you have no worry.

When the whole world is running at full speed but you are just sitting at your rest stop.

When even earth is spinning to complete it’s rotation to reach the night.

What a gift it is to just sit on our bed holding your blanket tight.

Taking in all the beauty this moment holds trapped in the rays of sunlight

Oh what a bliss these mornings are when everything is alright!

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Uncertainities

I would never have imagined that I would be here in next 4-5 years in the past. And it is certainly incomprehensible that where I would be in next 5 years. That’s the thing about me, I never had a plan. And I don’t think I would ever make one in the future too. Yes the idea of having a plan or long term goal is tempting and admirable. But I don’t think I can ever go by a plan. A slightest shift in the mood or atmosphere of the room leads to change in my choices! I can choose to do most random and unnecessary things if I feel like doing them. As long as I am happy. Even while writing this I am weighed down by the idea of how privileged I am. I don’t have to live through the uncertainty of having food on the table for next meal, or I don’t have worry about paying rent or bills. Luckily enough there are people around me to keep me safe and secure. And plan for my basic necessities.

Apart from these, there are things that make me anxious sometimes. Like would I be at a better place or am I living the happiest moments of my life right now. Is life always going to be this favourable to me or would I have to endure the pain that I can’t even imagine yet. Yeah I have my fair share of hardships and sometimes I may cry a bucket because of them but deep down I know how minuscule my problems are. I haven’t seen much of this world but sometimes I can’t even understand how people carry so much strength in their hearts to carry those heavy burdens that life brings along. Maybe I will become like them someday and lose my sensitivity in order to carry on with life. Sometimes this thought is enough to make me anxious. That I may change and stop feeling those smallest feelings of happiness, anger, sadness or warmth that radiates out of nice people.

It would be ridiculous to admit but yes I want to make a lot of money. I may sound materialistic but yes I have known about this world enough to understand that money can solve many problems. I can be kinder to people if I have enough money. Yes, you do not have to be rich to be kind but when a person has to face adversities in their own life, kindness may take a backseat. Of course it will be highly appreciated if humans can be kind nonetheless but such cases are rare. And I am afraid I will not be among those rare people. I want to be powerful in order to live life on my principles and money is one of the tools to achieve that. So yeah, only plan I have is to make money. Rest of my future is filled with uncertainities which brings along anxious nights. And at those nights the only comfort I have is that I work hard. I try to work hard every day in order to leave no regrets for my future and to have fewer of those anxious nights!

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