Category: comfort

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A pinch of life

I feel incomplete as days go by
As if I left parts of me in this puzzle of life
A dash of wonder in that school library
A pinch of laughter in that college canteen
And sprinkles of giggles in that hostel room
Most importantly the comfort of familiarity back home

These days as I travel to my workplace every morning, I have too much time to stare out of the window and nurture useless thoughts. My mind wanders to places farther than that airplane that I spot from my window. Maybe that is an international flight and I give too much credit to my mind. But I don’t know why I tend to remember my best memories in that short period (it’s almost 1 hour though).

There isn’t even a shred of doubt regarding my feelings for my current workplace. It has been like a dream come true for the past one month. It feels like I belong here. And that is something I rarely feel. I genuinely wish to get up every morning feeling the same spark that I have felt for this past month. There hasn’t been a single day when I felt like sleeping in and missing work. I know after a few months I will feel like that most probably. So I want to document this to remind me of the days when I was brimming with passion. I just want to establish a strong foothold for the future me before I get too deep into this never-ending cycle that might become just a routine one day.

But I don’t know why feeling this good about a place feels like cheating on the other best places I have ever been to. It is not that deep, but it makes me look forward to how much happier I can be. All the hardships I faced during the past few months seem to be fading away these days. And this sometimes makes me worry that I might start taking all this for granted after some time. I know I have to make up for all the kindness shown by everyone around me and give my hundred percent to this new job. That means I should work way harder than I am now. So, let’s end this honeymoon phase with beautiful memories and mix a pinch of discipline in all that passion I have been feeling. Because someone told me- “great is just good mixed with ten percent extra effort”. And I want to go that extra mile now that I am already here. I hope I can look forward to more happy days filled with self-satisfaction as we inch toward the end of this beautiful year.

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Uncertainities

I would never have imagined that I would be here in next 4-5 years in the past. And it is certainly incomprehensible that where I would be in next 5 years. That’s the thing about me, I never had a plan. And I don’t think I would ever make one in the future too. Yes the idea of having a plan or long term goal is tempting and admirable. But I don’t think I can ever go by a plan. A slightest shift in the mood or atmosphere of the room leads to change in my choices! I can choose to do most random and unnecessary things if I feel like doing them. As long as I am happy. Even while writing this I am weighed down by the idea of how privileged I am. I don’t have to live through the uncertainty of having food on the table for next meal, or I don’t have worry about paying rent or bills. Luckily enough there are people around me to keep me safe and secure. And plan for my basic necessities.

Apart from these, there are things that make me anxious sometimes. Like would I be at a better place or am I living the happiest moments of my life right now. Is life always going to be this favourable to me or would I have to endure the pain that I can’t even imagine yet. Yeah I have my fair share of hardships and sometimes I may cry a bucket because of them but deep down I know how minuscule my problems are. I haven’t seen much of this world but sometimes I can’t even understand how people carry so much strength in their hearts to carry those heavy burdens that life brings along. Maybe I will become like them someday and lose my sensitivity in order to carry on with life. Sometimes this thought is enough to make me anxious. That I may change and stop feeling those smallest feelings of happiness, anger, sadness or warmth that radiates out of nice people.

It would be ridiculous to admit but yes I want to make a lot of money. I may sound materialistic but yes I have known about this world enough to understand that money can solve many problems. I can be kinder to people if I have enough money. Yes, you do not have to be rich to be kind but when a person has to face adversities in their own life, kindness may take a backseat. Of course it will be highly appreciated if humans can be kind nonetheless but such cases are rare. And I am afraid I will not be among those rare people. I want to be powerful in order to live life on my principles and money is one of the tools to achieve that. So yeah, only plan I have is to make money. Rest of my future is filled with uncertainities which brings along anxious nights. And at those nights the only comfort I have is that I work hard. I try to work hard every day in order to leave no regrets for my future and to have fewer of those anxious nights!

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Comfort

I cried so many times with this song as bgm.

Then why does it bring so much comfort to me. Maybe it’s like those bittersweet memories of childhood, where I got hurt but always had someone to comfort me. Maybe it’s like home. Like that comforting pat on the back which tells me everything is gonna be alright. I am happy that I can remember this beautiful song like this. Because when I was all alone crying, only it was there. My home away from home.

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