The Blue

Flying above the clouds these days
The little girl doesn’t seem to be fazed
When a crack of voice used to scare her
She seems to speak her mind unfazed

Still, there are oceans to cross
The winds still blow across
And her steps still a little wobbly
She is managing with a smile across

The dilemma never seems to stop
To be nice or to be right
With still ocean depths to discover
She stares at the surface with fright

Yeah, she already dipped her feet right in
The water was cold and fish seemed unfriendly
And she is no mermaid to swiftly swim accross
But she does crave for the blue to last

No matter how serene the water seems
It is full of creatures that deceive
And again the dilemma looms across
To be nice or to be right; would you decide, please?

Just a Character

So, I breathe this moment in
Like a current running down the river
It spreads slowly inside
And then it’s gone
Without any traces
Every moment isn’t supposed to last
But I desperately wanted this one to stay
I was finally at peace
I could feel the warmth spreading
Illuminating me from inside
And people said I was magnificent
But now I feel like a character
With development gone too fast
I couldn’t keep up with the storyline
With blurred-out lines between good and bad
Which side am I supposed to be?
The destination seems too far off
But I never had a clear goal
Then will it hurt if I never reach?
Or is it the fear of being hurt
They say worry makes you suffer twice
But my head keeps throbbing with the fear
Fear of falling too hard
Or being the imposter in my own life
Is this really who I am?
Maybe its just a far fetched dream


A Teary Adieu

A winter affair
A misty dream
It felt so surreal
That reality escaped
And it hit me like a train
It brought me back to senses
And mist all swept away

Flooded with tears, I stood there quivering
Unable to say a proper farewell
I so desperately wished I could stay
One more day, one more moment
Of this dream which was finally real
And I had to let go

I guess human greed was more real
Or I was too desperate to protect my peace
which seemed so real at this place
I had never felt like a better fit anywhere else
Maybe that’s why it felt like this
Like cutting off a part of me
And letting it go forever.

Mirror of the Mind

They say eyes are mirrors of the soul
I think I have one for my mind too
It sits there idly waiting for me
These days, the wait spans out to days

Rock solid support personified
It tells me what’s wrong with my mind
Hey, you are cluttered today
Just lift some of my weight away

It screams with helplessness sometimes
When days of work piles and piles
And yes, am I too forgetful to remember?
Where the hell, I kept my scissors?

It seems to tease me for all the extra load
Sometimes it hides things on purpose
I promise, I never misplace things
It just vanishes, all the fault is with the table!

And when I am working too hard at nights
Sometimes, it smiles with glittery eyes
Behind all those rocky ups and downs
It stood there to witness how backstage was aligned




Into the spotlight

I feel the jitters all too well
I fumble as I talk and stumble as I walk
I slow down to get a hold
My mind running faster than I could process
I seem to be flying these days
As every dream turns into reality
I am too afraid to disappoint
Pinpointed under all the attention
I just want to mix in the crowd
I know that’s cowardly
I know that the stars have finally aligned
And I am too afraid to accept
Everyone suddenly understands me
I speak their language now
It seems they all finally like me
Nodding of the heads gives me confidence
I deliver and deliver
But I want to have responses
And I see their hesitant faces
I can’t see their genuine smiles
Yeah some give me the loudest cheers
And backstage there is a whole family
But still, it feels too lonely
I figure out most still don’t understand me
I just misunderstood from all that nodding
Maybe that’s a given when you’re in the spotlight

Celebrating 2022

This year one of the major takeaways for me has been to be grateful. Grateful for all of the things which we take for granted. It has been such a bittersweet year for me. The first half was more like a life lesson that I won’t ever forget. And the last bit of the year has brought me so much of joy that I started believing in life again. I know life may not be this quick to provide solutions every year. I hope the memory stays as a proof to believe in life even when things go wrong.

As we step into 2023, I am scared of what heights I will reach. I am scared of ruining it all. But I think this fear comes with possessing something valuable. And I would like to believe that the most valuable thing I possess is my self-belief. I hope atleast this does not change with the changing year. At last, I am just grateful for this year. For being kind enough to let me survive. And yes, I did survive with a smile.

I had trips, both kinds,
I got hurt and I saw the world
I got messed up and got up again
I dreamt and then undreamt
And what do you mean by kind
I mean the people I met
What do you think when I say belief
I think about me
Learning, unlearning, and relearning
All happened this year
And I hope it stays the same
It’s okay for it to be stagnant sometimes
But I don’t have the strength for ocean depths

Raincoat with a guarantee

Injustice hits first
Then the feeling of self-doubt
And then came the worst of all
The fear of having hurt them all

As I sit here in this maddening silence
It does not feel like silence anymore
The clouds hanging on my head might rain
And I didn’t even bring my raincoat

The raincoat had a guarantee of forever
Atleast that’s what was written all over
Or I might have misread few lines
I bet it was supposed to be lifetime

I still awkwardly tiptoe around
Avoiding the puddles that are still left behind
Enough sunshine isn’t even enough
It might take a lifetime to dry

Eye of the typhoon

It feels like I belong here
Every person with a different colour
But somehow every colour seems like mine
The painting inside becomes vibrant with every passing day

I am strangely not so anxious anymore
I meet and greet and treat everyone nice
No more stumbling in between jumbled words and awkward smiles
Life doesn’t seem fake anymore like it always did

But some moments smell like rain
With notes of salt mixed
I might not be beside a calm river
Maybe its the eye of the typhoon

Part of my life

This hustled way I am living these days
Shuffling from place to place
Each day this sea greets me with a new wave
And I try to swim these blues away

I still try to grasp every straw in between
Communicate what matters to me effectively
Avoiding getting seasick with monotony
I am still hoping this spark isn’t momentary

This chaos I am slowly unfolding
Might be a carefully woven bundle of events
No matter how far I look, the bundle remains same
It’s all part of my life or my life is a part of this

Home ( A Cadralor)

1.
I open the gates to shimmering lights
Walk down the stores full of flowers so bright
Joy seems spreading like a picture larger than life

2.
Wake up soon, the sun is up too
Early morning dreams about to come true
I see everyone together just as I drew

3.
Colours are important don’t you miss them
I shout orders to bring those sweets well
They go outside only to return soon

4.
Its tiring how much I still have left to do
The smell is too sweet, did I add cardomom too?
Stirring the magical heaven as I get rid of all that gloom

5.
And just like that the table is set, looking forward to true bliss
The rangoli adorns the entry to a home where nobody is missed
With holy chants and pretty lamps, this autumn’s Diwali is again the best.

Diwali is a Hindu festival celebrated generally in October or November (excuse me for not knowing the name of the months according to the Hindu calendar, my teachers taught me well but I guess I was not a good student). It is my favourite festival, since everyone’s home and we get to eat so many sweets. You should definitely try Indian sweets, nothing can beat them in my opinion, not even the holy chocolate! (though I love chocolates too). And overall it’s a festival of lights so we decorate everything with fairy lights, but you should never forget those beautiful earthen lamps. I love putting those diyas at every corner of the house and making sure, they are still burning until I give in to sleep. There is so much more meaning to this festival but I will write about it in detail some other time.

But I absolutely cannot miss rangolis. I love making rangolis. I have used the picture of last year’s rangoli as the featured image to give an idea of what it looks like. It is an art form made of coloured sand or powdered colours and the design is up to you. So every year my sister and I brainstorm together to come up with a good design only to switch it up last minute because we are getting late for the puja. I don’t believe in praying but since I have been doing it since I was a kid, it feels only natural to pray together on Diwali. And just like that, I get another day full of happy memories, good food, and giggles all around.

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started