A cyclone of emotions rushing through my mind
Fairy lights always bring back memories of childhood. The good old times when I did not know that terms like environment friendly exist. I was always awestruck by the brilliance of the glittering lights which made everything seem beautiful. Now, I would give away every fairy light to just admire a sky full of stars.
Continue reading “Fairy lights are prettier in the dark”
I recently stumbled upon a readers’ block. I had started a new job and it required me to travel three to three and half hours daily. On top of that the work there was really hectic and I only got one day off per week. And as anyone would expect, I spent that one day just sleeping and eating. But I missed books badly.
Continue reading “Blunt or Kind”
I still remember that peaceful morning. I woke up with a mission in mind. I did not even care about my looks or about my empty stomach. I still remember those blissful waves to whom i had come to bid adieu. But before that final goodbye, i had a task to accomplish. As you all may have guessed from the picture, the creator of that castle cannot be a professional. But I did not want a grandoise castle nor did i have time for it. I just wanted to create something beautiful when i was at the right place.
When the sea is more than 500 kms away from your town, beaches are always like some magical dreams. No matter how many times you visit them, after each vacation they seem unreal. I was like the happiest person on the beach that morning while collecting the wet sand with my bare hands. Buying tools for my castle seemed childish to me and it was like a waste of money. After all, when will i get a chance to soak my hands in that soft and gritty sand. There were three of us on this mission. They had to agree after listening to my costant blabber about making a castle.
Continue reading “Dream Castles”
This year, I have witnessed far more lows as compared to highs. I have lost some special people, some childhood innocence and at one point I even lost my willingness to go through this strange experience called life. But the thing that holds utmost importance amid all this is that I survived. If I can survive and come out of this all with a happy face, just imagine how much more can I endure.
And I learned. I learned that not all the battles are won or lost. Some battles just pass by. You just have to hold your ground if you feel you are right. That doesn’t guarantee any victory but you won’t be defeated either. I learned that not all people deserve your selflessness. Because some people just can’t understand that concept. You will have to speak for your own rights and snatch what you deserve from this scary world. Because this world is a lot more scary than I thought. Nobody will even notice if you are drowning in your sadness right before their eyes. So darling, I hope you always remember, you have to be your own superhero.
Maybe people change and they always will. Maybe your name will be excluded from their priorities even if you are the most important person to them now. It is really scary sometimes to think that I won’t be sharing my secrets and stories with them anymore. But one thing I learned from these heartbreaks is that I can’t hate people I loved.
So the best way out of all this is to only remember the beautiful memories and be happy. Obviously, nothing lasts forever but we can’t build relationships with an expiry date in mind. But when all your attempts to protect that beautiful relationship fail and it’s only hurting you, it’s better to just leave it as a happy memory. I had read these phrases several times but never understood why people do that. But when it all happened to me, I realized that some relationships are too beautiful to be destroyed by constant repairs to make them work.
Let them be!! Like those antique collections. Not functional but still a treasure. And as we all know those antique and vintage things cost a lot. I almost went broke trying to pay the cost of these beautiful memories. But still I can happily overlook it as I got such a treasure to keep.
Amisdt the clear blue sky,
That cloud was hanging along the horizon as it caught my eye through the window of the bustling metro.
How calm it must be to be able to sit above all this chaos, of humans running without any end. How happy that cloud must be, to sit miles above. But how did it reach there, that’s another story a hundred worlds apart.
Continue reading “Caught up with a cloud”
I have been trying to act like those grown ups for half of my life. I try to act all mature with my favourite cookie being taken away and giving up on my comfort. I even tried to give those fake smiles and do that small talk to fit perfectly in this imperfect world.
All this drama just because I used to think that being a grown up means having those important talks about this and that without those stupid giggles here and there. And I was taught grown ups are not greedy and act classy and have the best of manners. So I faked all that respect towards older people and tried all those weird tactics to fit in. Sometimes I even joined their conversations which were solely about judging others and comparing this or that. All those talks about politics left me with a lot to ponder upon. I even formed my own opinions and as I was about to state my points confidently, there came a realisation. What good will come out of all this? Will it help me if I joined those boring conversations. Will others even try to listen to what I have to speak. And I realised most of the times being a grown up is like being surrounded by all the noise without taking anything in consideration.
Do you remember the time when you got your first game or puzzle or anything that you used to love as a child? How obsessed we used to be with that thing. We would give all our attention to that thing for days or weeks but after a time it became boring. So boring that we completely forgot about them and they must be lying somewhere in the corner of our homes. Then a new toy used to be brought and it used to become our world.Atleast for a period of time.The world used to be so simple when it was so easy to forget and forgive. And from what I remember, I used to be so happy when there used to be something that made me forget everything happening around me. How long has it been since I felt that joy? Maybe when I last read a beautiful book. But still there were few ounces of guilt hiding in a corner of my heart as I let myself drown into that imaginary world. The guilt of ignoring people, timelines or schedules that take us adults as prisoners. And that guilt took away that happiness of being on cloud nine. So what is the point of being a grown up if you cannot make your world better.
I think the day we truly grow up, is the day when you realize you did not have to change yourself at all.When you realise, you do not necessarily need to act like grown ups until you do not interfere with someone else’s happiness. When you understand the true meaning of sharing is caring, caring selflessly but not till the point that someone exploits your kindness. When you do not need those fake conversations or boasting about all the knowledge or money in order to feel good about yourself. But knowing about your strengths and weaknesses is enough. Enough to heal the wounds that this world gives you and spread some love to those around you. When you know you do not have to prove anything to anyone except yourself.Because we don’t even know who set the definition of being grown up. Only we know how deep we fell and the amount of struggle we faced to get back to the surface.
Here comes another morning, wishing my life was a fairytale.
With all that happiness and a forgiving world where nobody wins and nobody fails
Here comes another morning, when I need to hide from world
Because just when you show your problems
The world takes you to your deepest lows
Now, no other blow hits me hard enough
Because how harder can I fall
I fell and fell and when I stopped,
I still was falling apart.
Here comes another morning
Wishing that nothing would last
But everything I want is in the past
How I wish that would have lasted
How long I waited for that one happiness
And when it came, I don’t have a heart
A heart which used to be whole
A heart which was so pure
How can I come out of it unscathed
When all I need is to hide from the world
All I ask is are you done?
For how long do I need to hide
How much more will you pull me apart
When will that time come when you are done.
The hardest things I have gone through in my life happened here. My heart broke into million pieces and I still collected all the traces and mended it all over again. I used to believe in a happy world. Where people tried to be kind. I used to think I was the weird one everywhere. And if I tried hard enough, I can understand everyone.
But here I have seen the worst sides of people. As I tried to adjust to their standards, their standards fell deeper and deeper. So how could I still understand them when all I could see was a black dot from where I stood. My morals were too high to go further underground.
It’s not like I liked everyone I have met until now. I used to think some people are bad. But this was beyond my expectations. And adults around me told me why I took everything personally. Maybe I was wrong. I used to pour my heart into each and every thing. I always tried to be so sincere that it hurt. It hurt so bad to see that people can be so conniving even if I gave my everything to them.
And there was absolutely no reason behind their actions. So I hope I always remember it’s not you it’s them. And when people were being crushed under this stressful drill, their kindness took a backseat. They became so self absorbed, that others maybe breaking down from inside, but no one cared. I hope I would handle all this stress in my future without losing my own colour. I hope I still remain as naive as I was before entering this place. Because I would never want to hurt people like they hurt me. I hope I never become so self absorbed, that I can’t see other’s pain.
And I am so afraid. So afraid that things can go worse than this. Because as I proceed further in my life, people become more and more difficult. And the world becomes less and less kind. I hope this is the end. I hope I don’t have to meet such people again. I am more experienced now but I didn’t want this experience. Why did I have to witness this dirty world. I hope I can make this world a better place. If not the whole world, I hope I can make it happier for atleast the people around me. And I still wish to remain as naive and foolish as I was before this. But I don’t think my fears would let me do that. Why do we have to grow up like this? It’s just sad.
But amidst all this sadness, I still had people around me. People who could not help me but still stood by my side and didn’t let me drown. I hope I remember all these good people too. People who want to see me happy, so that when all this stress takes a toll on me again, I know I will never drown.
When you are anticipating and worrying about the future so bad that you forget the present. When anxiety takes over your peace and no matter how much you console yourself, all that’s left in your mind is constant buzzing. Buzzing about one wrong step you took or about that one moment you were sidetracked.
I hope in those moments of worry, I remember how much I achieved. I reflect on the entire galaxy of possibilities waiting for me on the other side of time. I wish I could be more proud of whatever I have completed till now instead of contemplating about how much I could have achieved. Because desires never end and those what ifs are pointless. All the magic lies in this moment and I hope I give my hundred percent in this moment. Obviously my hundred percent may not take me towards my goals. But it takes me towards a better me. And it’s always the right choice to be a little better. Because every better is a step towards being the best.
Librocubicularist soul 