A cyclone of emotions rushing through my mind
Fairy lights always bring back memories of childhood. The good old times when I did not know that terms like environment friendly exist. I was always awestruck by the brilliance of the glittering lights which made everything seem beautiful. Now, I would give away every fairy light to just admire a sky full of stars.
Continue reading “Fairy lights are prettier in the dark”
I recently stumbled upon a readers’ block. I had started a new job and it required me to travel three to three and half hours daily. On top of that the work there was really hectic and I only got one day off per week. And as anyone would expect, I spent that one day just sleeping and eating. But I missed books badly.
Continue reading “Blunt or Kind”
Recently I read a book that said that universe wants to be noticed, that pain wants to be noticed.
But it failed to mention the reason. There is no doubt that I have asked the same question several times before too but I never found the right words. But when I found these words, I was awestruck by their beauty. It simply ended our quest to find all the answers to whatever happens around us.
Alas, the universe wants to be noticed. From my experience, when we wish to be noticed, we all do things which are beyond imagination. Sometimes we succeed in this wasteful practice and sometimes we do not. But nature is not us. The universe is not us. It is much more above us. It holds enormous amount of power, capabilities and everything which is far beyond our imagination. Maybe that is why, it is noticed. We are unable to turn a blind eye towards it. Even if we devote our entire lifetime to understand, notice and praise the beauty of universe, it will not be enough.
Still many breathtaking views will remain far beyond our reach, our time. This explains how small we are in front of nature. We cannot compete with it. But I think universe does not know it. Even without trying it will be noticed. The earth will be noticed. Because it is so beautiful.
Then here we come again to the same question, why does it want to be noticed. Maybe it is jealous of us. Because it is all alone, it cannot even communicate with us directly. We have companions, we have friends and we have families. The universe is unable to experience the beauty of these relationships. That is why from time to time, it shows its powers, takes away our people, to make us realize that it is here. It is continuously watching over us. It hears our laughter, it sees us crying.
Maybe the universe also wants that adrenaline rush which we feel when our favorite teams win. Maybe universe also wants to feel those butterflies in stomach which we feel in love. Maybe it also wants to feel that unbearable pain in chest which we feel on losing someone irreplaceable (whether fictional or real). That is why it competes because it does not know any other way. Because somehow we have those beautiful abilities.
But not only universe or nature wants to be noticed. Even though we are like a trace in front of universe, humans also have that desire to be noticed. Humans also compete with nature, against nature to prove their worth. This competition has continued since ages and look where we have come. But universe did not play tricks. It gave us so much that our entire lifetime fell short to collect the gifts. The only thing it took was time. Still we had much more things that universe did not have, but we became selfish.
We competed so hard to be noticed that we played dirty tricks. We used much more resources than we deserved. We were the ones that disturbed the balance. We should have let other candidates play too. But we humans took their resources. We continuously scarred the universe and forgot to give it the attention it deserved. But fellows, we forgot one thing. No matter how many advantages we have, they will eventually fall short in front of the universe.
Because we were always just a speck of dust. The universe found new ways. It discovered natural disasters, new diseases and much more. There is no doubt we cannot win this game because its developer itself is universe. It knows all those secret weapons and tricks. As we sit in the lockdown with nothing to do, we can do a task of utmost importance. Notice the universe. Give it the attention it deserves. Give it the care it deserves. Because at the end, it holds the most powerful weapon: time.
So how can we define happiness when it can be felt from a tiniest gesture but not from the greatest successes. When a smile can make your day but all the money in the world can’t do the same certainly.
That jittery feeling in your heart when you think nothing can ever top this is maybe happiness. Or even an extra slice of pizza may be happiness. Or the case when someone praises you for something you did without any expectations maybe happiness. The fact that whatever you do is not worthless is enough to make us happy while at the same time pushing us towards our goals.
I realized early on that I am perhaps an overly sensitive person. It has many downsides, like getting disappointed real soon or sometimes getting hurt even when it was not worth noticing. I observe too much and can guess the mood of the room seconds within entering it. But along with many downsides, being sensitive is a gift too. Like I can get really happy with your smallest gesture. Just give me an extra chocolate and I will be ready to share my whole dinner with you. And I will be happiest to do so. Even when a squirrel walks with me while entering the college, it makes me happy maybe for a brief moment but I am always grateful that I get to feel it. Though I am a bit afraid of animals but seeing them playing around makes my heart feel content. When the wind blows against the direction of my face and I don’t have to brush my hair back every second, I feel good. And seeing those leftover balloons from birthday parties lying in the corner of my room are so cute. I always love seeing them as I enter my room and feel good. Or the thing is I have never experienced the joy of bursting them since I am too afraid of it. So I always keep them till the gas inside them diffuses in the air and they are left with nothing. Sometimes I draw on them and they look like funny little faces and make me laugh.
Meeting my friends and family after a long time is so heartwarming. And those hugs, a part of my heart always longs for them. And all those stupid jokes get me laughing till my jaw hurts and eyes are fogged up with stupid tears. Tears have a deep connection with me. Or maybe they love me too much. Maybe that’s why they come to me more often. I love when I can act all silly and make my people laugh and not feel judged at all. In fact I feel a bit proud when I do so. I guess a lot of things make me happy. The list of foods that can turn me into a loyal friend is endless. But first you have to make me comfortable enough to have food with you. Yeah it’s a bit disappointing, thinking all the good food I could have enjoyed had I been more comfortable around people. But I have my boundaries and I love them more.
I love when the fictional character I am rooting for achieves their goal. I don’t know why I feel all giddy when they are celebrating their happiness after enduring all the hardships. Maybe that gives me hope. The hope that I can be happy too and instantly I find my happiness. In those tiny moments. When the world seems to be revolving around me and my books. And all I have to do is smile when I feel happy and cry when I am sad. And rest of the work is done by all those amazing writers.
And when my favourite music band succeeds, I feel a part of my heart leaping in joy. I feel butterflies in my stomach, when the winners are soon to be announced and what follows then is relief. Relief that they won despite all the hardships. And in that relief I feel happy. Happy that I rooted for them,followed them and always loved them.
From relief, I remember all those times after exams or presentations are over. And yes, of course, that relief does not come after every exam and presentation. But when I try my best, it comes and makes me happy and content. And then comes the free time when nothing is there on schedule. And I assume everyone loves a little break. So do I and lying on my bed watching my favourite series is the best thing to do on such days sometimes.
This list of things that make me happy may go on forever. Even while writing down all these nice things I am smiling. Of course there is a long list of things that make me sad too. But I believe you can always make the list of happiness a little longer and that will be enough to nullify all the sadness.
Librocubicularist soul 