Chaos

Amid all this chaos, normally termed as life, can we really find what we are searching for. When will I find my path and how will I know that its the one. Why cannot life be less chaotic.

The thing is the inner self you are born with cannot be changed completely. And when this whole world tries to mold you into a certain ideal individual, the chaos inside your mind becomes overpowering. Should I really let this world win or should I fight.

And what good will come out of fighting when there is nobody to celebrate my win. But if I lose, how will I keep my peace of mind. What is the use of celebrating a victory with hundreds of people with a conflicted mind? So should I still pretend to be a sociable, always smiling sort of person or just let everyone go. They say you need people in your life at every step. You should socialize to maintain good relationships as you never know when you will need someone. But what if I still believe in the goodness of people. What if, I still feel people are not things which you can use by paying the price called socializing. N what if I do not want to indulge in anything which does not concern me truly and deeply.

When I still want to help anyone just because I can, why should I be forced to socialise to get the same treatment. They say what goes around comes around, then should I stay the same. Should I try living life on my own terms and will it really come around. Ahha that was the whole point I guess. It’s the fear rising from all this chaos. The fear of not getting what you give. But that’s so stupid. Because I also believe that while giving, you should not expect anything in return. Or maybe it is the fear of being judged. If I don’t smile enough, they may think I am rude. If I don’t talk enough, I may be perceived as too dull or boring, when in reality I am having such interesting conversations in my head. Alas, this thing called communication is really fucked up. It gives rise to all this chaos. Words or no words, everything can be judged as wished by the perceiver. But it’s communication only which unites us as whole and can clear all this chaos. Maybe one day humans can invent, an easier way to communicate. When you can truly know what’s going on in each other’s mind without those fake smiles and small talk. Where we can truly find silences more comforting than constant noise that surrounds us amidst a bunch full of strangers. Personally I would love to go out in a world where you can be silent as long as you wish and not be in constant fear of being judged. When your mind is not in a rush to find words to fill those silences instead it can truly embrace the moment in its full glory before it becomes history. Because time passes more quickly when it’s chaotic out there and it’s a waste to not live fully in the limited lifespan we have got.