So how can we define happiness when it can be felt from a tiniest gesture but not from the greatest successes. When a smile can make your day but all the money in the world can’t do the same certainly.
That jittery feeling in your heart when you think nothing can ever top this is maybe happiness. Or even an extra slice of pizza may be happiness. Or the case when someone praises you for something you did without any expectations maybe happiness. The fact that whatever you do is not worthless is enough to make us happy while at the same time pushing us towards our goals.
I realized early on that I am perhaps an overly sensitive person. It has many downsides, like getting disappointed real soon or sometimes getting hurt even when it was not worth noticing. I observe too much and can guess the mood of the room seconds within entering it. But along with many downsides, being sensitive is a gift too. Like I can get really happy with your smallest gesture. Just give me an extra chocolate and I will be ready to share my whole dinner with you. And I will be happiest to do so. Even when a squirrel walks with me while entering the college, it makes me happy maybe for a brief moment but I am always grateful that I get to feel it. Though I am a bit afraid of animals but seeing them playing around makes my heart feel content. When the wind blows against the direction of my face and I don’t have to brush my hair back every second, I feel good. And seeing those leftover balloons from birthday parties lying in the corner of my room are so cute. I always love seeing them as I enter my room and feel good. Or the thing is I have never experienced the joy of bursting them since I am too afraid of it. So I always keep them till the gas inside them diffuses in the air and they are left with nothing. Sometimes I draw on them and they look like funny little faces and make me laugh.
Meeting my friends and family after a long time is so heartwarming. And those hugs, a part of my heart always longs for them. And all those stupid jokes get me laughing till my jaw hurts and eyes are fogged up with stupid tears. Tears have a deep connection with me. Or maybe they love me too much. Maybe that’s why they come to me more often. I love when I can act all silly and make my people laugh and not feel judged at all. In fact I feel a bit proud when I do so. I guess a lot of things make me happy. The list of foods that can turn me into a loyal friend is endless. But first you have to make me comfortable enough to have food with you. Yeah it’s a bit disappointing, thinking all the good food I could have enjoyed had I been more comfortable around people. But I have my boundaries and I love them more.
I love when the fictional character I am rooting for achieves their goal. I don’t know why I feel all giddy when they are celebrating their happiness after enduring all the hardships. Maybe that gives me hope. The hope that I can be happy too and instantly I find my happiness. In those tiny moments. When the world seems to be revolving around me and my books. And all I have to do is smile when I feel happy and cry when I am sad. And rest of the work is done by all those amazing writers.
And when my favourite music band succeeds, I feel a part of my heart leaping in joy. I feel butterflies in my stomach, when the winners are soon to be announced and what follows then is relief. Relief that they won despite all the hardships. And in that relief I feel happy. Happy that I rooted for them,followed them and always loved them.
From relief, I remember all those times after exams or presentations are over. And yes, of course, that relief does not come after every exam and presentation. But when I try my best, it comes and makes me happy and content. And then comes the free time when nothing is there on schedule. And I assume everyone loves a little break. So do I and lying on my bed watching my favourite series is the best thing to do on such days sometimes.
This list of things that make me happy may go on forever. Even while writing down all these nice things I am smiling. Of course there is a long list of things that make me sad too. But I believe you can always make the list of happiness a little longer and that will be enough to nullify all the sadness.
Librocubicularist soul 