Category: Uncategorized

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Human in a box

And I saw them flying carefree

Aligned as a gorgeous V formation

In a sky with streaks of the prettiest peach

With trees lined up like cheerleaders

But I was sitting inside comfortably

With my favourite people

Listening to my favourite music

Did they spot me?

But I’m impossible to spot inside my box

Maybe in my next life

I will be free

And the prettiest skies mixed with all shades of pink and blue

Decorated intricately with clouds will be my home

It’s also true that I feel peace

A peace that was so hard to find

And I want this to last

I love the colours here

It would have been great to grab a paint brush

And paint this moment to last forever

But alas I am a helpless human

Restricted with constraints of time and location

Can’t it be more like a dream

Where I paint hazily and suddenly there is an art gallery in my house

Then I invite only my favourite people

To see artworks that remind me of them

And we wine and dine and forget about the square boxes

That remind me of being a mere human

Restricted by the constraints of time and space

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4’o clock

Knots in my heart run a bit deeper
With every melody piercing its way
It feels like this one can be a keeper
Murmurs in a cold blanket and I stay
Still as ice, this world seems all grey
Gently pats my back and I melt
Still as a lake, back at home I felt
The softest quilts and blinding dark
Wrapped around me like a sweet embrace
As I slip into the unconscious heaven

This poem was inspired by a beautiful song named 4’o clock by RM and V of BTS. It used to be my comfort during my hostel days when I had trouble sleeping with some noisy roommates. I would like to clarify it was not the roommates who were unkind but it was just me being overly sensitive. I can’t blame someone for interrupting my sleep when it can break even with the fluttering of leaves. But this song literally teleported me to my cozy bedroom back home with blackout curtains and sound of pleasant winds. I have attached a link to the song, give it a listen if you are curious (turn on the english subtitles and lyrics will make it even better). Its just beautiful.

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Just a Character

So, I breathe this moment in
Like a current running down the river
It spreads slowly inside
And then it’s gone
Without any traces
Every moment isn’t supposed to last
But I desperately wanted this one to stay
I was finally at peace
I could feel the warmth spreading
Illuminating me from inside
And people said I was magnificent
But now I feel like a character
With development gone too fast
I couldn’t keep up with the storyline
With blurred-out lines between good and bad
Which side am I supposed to be?
The destination seems too far off
But I never had a clear goal
Then will it hurt if I never reach?
Or is it the fear of being hurt
They say worry makes you suffer twice
But my head keeps throbbing with the fear
Fear of falling too hard
Or being the imposter in my own life
Is this really who I am?
Maybe its just a far fetched dream


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The Hustle

I have to accept I have been more or less inactive for the past few months. Too much has been going on in my life to even acknowledge this simple fact. I changed jobs, and met so many new people. Made friends and unfriended some. I guess this is how the adult life goes on. And I am at my peak. And I don’t even have time to sit down and realize how to take it all under control.

And sometimes I just find myself completely shut down to the outside world. Like I don’t even care if someone is lying to me or if someone I once cared about cheats. I just don’t have the time or energy for that. And it hurts much lesser. But the mere thought that I don’t care anymore is kind of unsettling. Why have I become like this? Am I healing or just getting worse?

When I was younger, I used to think about every single conversation I had in my entire day over and over again. But nowadays, I just feel tired at the end of the day and sleep. No anxious nights anymore, but still I am not happy. I am much more independent now. And because of this, I simply walk out of the situations I don’t like. I am earning better, so I don’t have to think twice about going to a fancy restaurant or buying nice shoes. But I used to crave those things earlier. And now that it is much easier to have them, those things do not excite me that much. They are just another task that needs to be completed.

And I still do not feel good enough for my job. One or another way I find something which disappoints me. I can’t talk enough or can’t make friends that easily. That small talk which helps people develop professional relationships feels useless to me. I just hate fake relationships limited to good mornings and good evenings. I want to talk about your family, how do you manage to do things smoothly and how did you survive when things got tough. People tell me that I have to start with small talk to reach that level. But somehow, that just doesn’t makes sense to me. Or maybe since I am an adult now, I think I can just run away from uncomfortable situations.

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A Teary Adieu

A winter affair
A misty dream
It felt so surreal
That reality escaped
And it hit me like a train
It brought me back to senses
And mist all swept away

Flooded with tears, I stood there quivering
Unable to say a proper farewell
I so desperately wished I could stay
One more day, one more moment
Of this dream which was finally real
And I had to let go

I guess human greed was more real
Or I was too desperate to protect my peace
which seemed so real at this place
I had never felt like a better fit anywhere else
Maybe that’s why it felt like this
Like cutting off a part of me
And letting it go forever.

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Foggy Mornings

Misty doors, roads, and trees
Every particle starts to freeze
And I stand here with my coffee
Enjoying the view as I see
A blanket of fog moves ever so slowly
And I stare at it waiting for you
Someone to come and melt me
And still how I wish to keep this intact
I don’t know what troubles me more
The cold or the inevitable .

It’s the time of the year when the mighty cold starts surrendering to the mightier sun. And I start missing those pretty foggy mornings as soon as they are gone. I have been laughed at for calling those moist and cold mornings pretty by my fellow inhabitants. But nothing could stop me from gazing into wide horizons waiting for some mystical character to suddenly appear.

I do like sunny days too. And I am privileged enough to spend those chilly mornings sitting inside a temperature-controlled room sipping warm coffee. And I have enough layers to protect me from getting sick. But as I read somewhere, we love these comfy things thanks to the extreme weather waiting for us outside. Like we only understand our blessings after times of hardships.

So, the foggy mornings have now become a thing of the past. And as I walk through these sunny mornings, stripped of the weight of those heavy sweaters and jackets, I find myself counting the months before those dreamy sunrises would greet me again. I know it won’t be any sooner and months of scorching temperatures lie ahead. But yeah, I guess that takes me back to my point. You are truly grateful for your blessings, only after facing adversities.


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Mirror of the Mind

They say eyes are mirrors of the soul
I think I have one for my mind too
It sits there idly waiting for me
These days, the wait spans out to days

Rock solid support personified
It tells me what’s wrong with my mind
Hey, you are cluttered today
Just lift some of my weight away

It screams with helplessness sometimes
When days of work piles and piles
And yes, am I too forgetful to remember?
Where the hell, I kept my scissors?

It seems to tease me for all the extra load
Sometimes it hides things on purpose
I promise, I never misplace things
It just vanishes, all the fault is with the table!

And when I am working too hard at nights
Sometimes, it smiles with glittery eyes
Behind all those rocky ups and downs
It stood there to witness how backstage was aligned




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It’s a marathon

I am tired of all this reasoning
All the emotions holding me captive
I thought I had escaped the hell
I was happy and free for once

But was it peace, I don’t remember
I was excited to go through all this
I was grateful for all those who stood by
I was blessed to have those moments

But why is it killing me from inside
Why do I have this gut-wrenching feeling constantly
Mind says to stay sane
And the heart cries for no reason

And sometimes there’s just this buzz
Where I am lost amidst all this darkness
Lives go on around me
But my life seems to be at a standstill

Hypothetically I am moving
With opportunities so great, I never imagined
But how do I get away from feeling not good enough
Everyone around me shines so brightly

And I buffer and stutter
I am not quick enough
Is it really me or am I being fake now
Do I really have to get on the top?

I had dreams so big but now they scare me
The mere thought of being up there
With people of caliber much greater than mine
Or am I being too self-critical

They say I will learn
That’s how everyone grows
So many people have faith in me
And that pushes me deeper under pressure

I have to get up and be myself again
This cooping up in misery shall not remain
But sometimes it just hurts so bad
Lying in pain which I can’t explain

I think explanation would hurt even more
That’s why I want to avoid it
But all this running away is taking up my stamina
And stamina is something I never built

But I have to run and it’s a marathon
I have to care first for myself
I know I am not great, but let’s start with good
Good, better, best are just neighbours right?

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A Happy Rant

These days I have too much on my plate, in a good way. I am just not sure that I have enough appetite to relish all the delicacies. It seems like if my guardian angels existed, they have decided to work overtime and make sure I have every door open for me. The fairies in which I believe, might not even exist in this real world. But isn’t it better to live in an imaginary world and be at peace instead of validating the harsh reality we feel every day?

My favourite artists always describe how much satisfaction they feel after touching people’s lives with their art. He once said, that even if just one person feels happier because of our art, their job is done. It was at that moment I started thinking about how it must feel to be the center of so much positive attention. It may even feel fake at times. And to think about the amount of hard work and passion that goes into that kind of achievement, it all seems insurmountable. After all the hard work, if only one person is there to appreciate me, would I really be satisfied?

Coming back to passion, there are moments when I dream about too much at just one moment. One second I am sitting at my desk, working on those boring assignments, and another second, I am flying freely at great heights. Inside those dreams are people who are cheering for me. People who truly love me. And people whom I love unconditionally. There are adventures, power moves, and beautiful places and everything shines so brightly.

The imaginary girl inside my head is too smart to be cheated by anyone. She thinks, with her determination only, she can achieve anything she wants. She is the most beautiful person inside and out. But the moment I step out of my imaginary world, I am just an ordinary person with ordinary flaws. I am not the ideal daughter that I always dreamt of. Sometimes I am too emotional to practically judge a situation. More often than not, I believe that the people I am smiling with are good. Until one of them shatters my heart into pieces once again. And I always come back here to collect the pieces and put them back in place.

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Celebrating 2022

This year one of the major takeaways for me has been to be grateful. Grateful for all of the things which we take for granted. It has been such a bittersweet year for me. The first half was more like a life lesson that I won’t ever forget. And the last bit of the year has brought me so much of joy that I started believing in life again. I know life may not be this quick to provide solutions every year. I hope the memory stays as a proof to believe in life even when things go wrong.

As we step into 2023, I am scared of what heights I will reach. I am scared of ruining it all. But I think this fear comes with possessing something valuable. And I would like to believe that the most valuable thing I possess is my self-belief. I hope atleast this does not change with the changing year. At last, I am just grateful for this year. For being kind enough to let me survive. And yes, I did survive with a smile.

I had trips, both kinds,
I got hurt and I saw the world
I got messed up and got up again
I dreamt and then undreamt
And what do you mean by kind
I mean the people I met
What do you think when I say belief
I think about me
Learning, unlearning, and relearning
All happened this year
And I hope it stays the same
It’s okay for it to be stagnant sometimes
But I don’t have the strength for ocean depths

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