It seems much easier to subside than subsist
When the daily struggles start taking a toll
I wish I could just ignore when fate comes knocking on my door
Its screams bringing out all my wounds in the open
Fate
To live on
I remember once again
As I sit here drenched in the rain
With every part of my soul soaked to the core
Drowning every sorrow, stripping me off this load
Smiles don’t tire me out anymore
And lungs seem to be running out of air
But my heart feels so full
So full but so light
The heavy dreams or grieving themes
Float away freely in those paper boats
And the only one remaining is me in this moment
And I realize once again
For such moments I live on
I cannot say that monsoon is my favourite season, but I must admit I love the rain ( if enjoyed from the comfort of my home obviously). I find myself looking forward to those heavy rains every summer with a shine in my eyes. Of course, I am privileged enough that I do not have to worry about negative consequences which sometimes do come along with heavy rains. But I love it when all I can see is just rain falling and soaking everything in sight. And getting soaked in the rain is one of my favourite feelings. The type of rain in which I can’t even open my eyes for too long, still everything seems much prettier. Maybe it’s just that my vision is clouded in the literal sense. But I do have fond memories of dancing in the rain with my sister. Now that the monsoon is over, I will have to wait for another year for making a new set of memories. I hope I can still feel the same happiness next year too.
By the way, have you ever seen rain approaching? It was just last year when it was raining right in front of me, but I was standing a few centimeters away completely dry staring in disbelief. I think I was too stupid, that I had never imagined that rain has got to end somewhere. But I found it quite an amusing sight, standing on edge of the rain. Then to make me feel even more ignorant, my parents told me their tales about racing with the rain when they were young. Apparently, they saw the approaching rain too often in the countryside where they grew up. And I was so jealous that I never got to experience that. The most rain I saw was from my balcony or rooftop with those city lines in the background. I hope I get to race with the rain atleast once in my lifetime.
Islands or Mainland
Those vast stretches of mainland
With an identity visible from places so far
Cannot obscure the existence of islands
Hidden amidst the sea, they do have a power
With sea waves rocking their shores
Amidst windy clouds, they still claim their sun
And you can’t compare those islands to continents
With each having their own place
The comforts of connectivity
Far too forlorn
But you can find hidden jewels
Or a memory to hold on
But how often would you see
A continent sinking to its end
Vanishing from the earth, it seems like an island’s fate
Still living like an island seems like a fairytale to me
Bickering with the sea and a climate of my own
To live fiercely and disappear if I must
Not visible but still content on my own.
A Novice
A Pantoum
Along these consciously unconscious movies
As reality blurs between rationale and feelings soar high
Sometimes I swim through like a novice
Knowing all too well, I was born to fly
As reality blurs between rationale and feelings soar high
I wander in the ocean depths looking for a muse
Knowing all too well, I was born to fly
I contemplate the difference between two blues
I wander in the ocean depths looking for a muse
Just going with the flow or avoiding the tides
I contemplate the difference between two blues
Anticipating the moment this storm subsides
Just going with the flow or avoiding the tides
Sometimes I swim through like a novice
Anticipating the moment this storm subsides
Along these consciously unconscious movies
Daydreams
“Write when the happiness strikes.” I have more than often used this line to describe my inspiration to write. I don’t know why but writing just humbles me down when I am brimming with overflowing emotions. Like it is the storehouse for all the excess things I am feeling and can’t handle. I am always thankful that I discovered this channel to release so much pressure I unnecessarily build upon myself. Maybe it is the pressure that expectations create when happiness strikes the door. Expectations to be even happier in the future. Or expectations that things will change for the better only. And I am the biggest daydreamer I have ever known. Maybe my circle is just too small. But I just need one word to build a whole cobweb of stories around it. You all must have guessed by all that talk about how I want to be when I grow old. I even daydream about old age. Sometimes there is too much rush in my head. Writing things down helps to somehow arrange that clutter. I haven’t realized any of my daydreams till now. Not completely. I don’t know if all the things that go around in my head will come true one day or not. But I hope I keep on dreaming about happier moments only.
Continue reading “Daydreams”Aurora
The castles, the wars, the unwavering heart, moments of helplessness, creeping their way from places so dark and I knew you were happy, I knew you were sad, but when I felt all alone, I found you in those hidden trails, in the forsaken crevices of my heart, emerging like aurora, I had never felt those butterflies, overfilling my soul with the urge to encompass these boundaries between fiction and the facts and live inside that dream, while you delicately guide me across your masterpiece, I need to listen more, why everything fell apart and why still the love remains, I never knew what love felt like but it must feel like admiring this art, to find my way across its heart and fancying to live here till forever falls apart.
Aging like a fine wine
Today I got to meet an amazing person. I have attended his webinars previously too and always have thought of him highly, but today was somewhat more inspiring. I think my mind is way too often influenced by the people I meet. I know this is how human beings typically behave. We all draw our inspiration from things going on around us. But I hope one day I become strong enough to gain control of my emotions up to a certain extent.
I hope I will be unbothered by the countless degrading remarks or my insecurities. I hope I will not fly too high with just one compliment. I know it’s great to feel that level of happiness from the smallest of gestures. But it also means that those small gestures can snatch away my happiness. It should be upon me to feel happy, not the environment I am living in. Of course, I would love to be amazed time and again by amazing things. But I want to keep that amazement within myself instead of those momentary peaks of happiness. Maybe I am getting too old to be thinking about all that. But recently I came to know the importance of continuity. I am more likely to act based on some momentary peaks of passion, doing whatever I feel like. But I got to know that if I try to do something with some discipline, much larger feats are achievable. And they will take me to whole different levels of emotions. Therefore, I am trying hard to bring some amount of discipline to my life.
Coming back to that amazing person, I think I am way too often amazed by older people. Maybe my perception of older people is wrong altogether. In my mind, I don’t expect too many aged people to be as welcoming and open to differences. Maybe I am too biased. I often wonder what I would be like when I get to that age. I hope I would be a person who radiates warmth, like the person I met today. I hope I would have the same amount of passion for learning. I hope it just grows day by day. Come to think of it, older people are more likely to be mature and knowledgeable just because of their invaluable experiences. And yet some people might think of them as a burden to society. I think they are the greatest assets. Of course, just old age doesn’t guarantee maturity. But if someone has survived so many years of life, I believe I can always learn a thing or two from them.
A Foggy Dream
Flowing liquid
Narrow channels
I can feel the harsh wind
But I have to walk through
Every boundary seems foggy
As I strive to break out of this stupor
Lying through the teeth
Don’t you dare lie to yourself
The crimson face of sunset sparks fear in you too
And when the night falls you worry about mornings too
How you wished it would be the propitious morning soon
Continue reading “Lying through the teeth”Don’t you dare lie to yourself
The crimson face of sunset sparks fear in you too
And when the night falls you worry about mornings too
How you wished it would be the propitious morning soon
Continue reading “Lying through the teeth”Are you free?
A cascade
I see you too often these days But do you feel lonely too? You smell like freedom But are you really free?
Librocubicularist soul 